


Julius Will Kresnik Joins the Illuminati

by phalarope (mniotilta)



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 05:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10678281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mniotilta/pseuds/phalarope
Summary: i'm very tired and wrote this instead of sleeping LET JUDE BE GAY 2017





	Julius Will Kresnik Joins the Illuminati

JULIUS WILL KRESNIK woke up one morning in his house with ludger and the cat rollo, and he ate breakfest while they all watched children's cartoons because you can be as old as you want and enjoy animated children's programs, when i was in high school and i was super sick i used to watch dora and i fucking loved it, and julius and ludger are the same way, this one time when they were younger for halloween ludger was dora and julius was swiper, a relationship they still hold to this day.   
  
SWIPER NO SWIPING ludger says with sign language because he's mute, and he is intense because julous was going to steal some toast. ludger eats the entire loaf of bread so julius can have 0% of the toast, and juliues frowns so much it causes a fractured dimention.   
  
"aww man," says julius, and he puts an entire carton of uncooked eggs in his briefcase before going to work. he's wearin ga suit because he's a businessman.  
  
he's going on a train and he's beautiful, if people of new york existed but instead of new york it was whatever this land was called (it's been like 2 years sinc ei've played xillia i forget how cna i call myself a fan if i don't know every detail???), anyway, julous would be on it. the train is nice and plesant, but then this man sits down across from him with extremely spindly legs and a striped pantsuit. julius ignores rideaux as julius opens his briefcase and starts eating eggs.  
  
"HELLO JULIUS!!!!!!!!" says rideaux, brushing his beautiful hair and taunting juelius the entire train ride. idk what happens after that cause i can't think of any ieas.  
  
rideaux runs off though and scales a building like spiderman. what even wepon did rideuaxu even had? wow has it really been that long since i played xillia?? i don't remember anything?? all i can think about is rideaux having wolverine claws and i don't think that's right.   
  
rideaux is now the superhero wolverine and he goes and is angst in the forest and laments about stuff and becomes a canadian lumberjack, he meets a nice man and they settle down near the river and have a good life together cause fuck bisley and his bs ok let riddlestix have a nice life  
  
k so julius is still on the train, and e's thinking about his job at the office. he is out of eggs but his mind is filled with knowledge as his stomach is filled with protein. he notices an add on this pillar of the train station that say   
  
NEW JOB OFFERING   
are you TIRED of your JORB?  
call this numner: and then there was a number idk what kind of number that requires too much creative thought  
  
julius was curuisu about this because he HATES working for his CRAPPY DAD, so he drop kicks his briefcase and kills a man in the process and then calls the number on his phone   
  
"911 this is the illumanti how can i help you"   
  
"JOB" screams julius at the top of his lungs, ripping his clothes of to reveal hello kitty themed pajamas. eh attracts many stares, but then is hyper beamed up to the mother ship   
  
"hello, i'm jean-luc picard, from star trek" says thie first person he meets, who is also wearing pajamas. they shake hands. "welcome to the illuminati" "thanks" says julous.   
  
"how do i download all the secrets of the universe"   
  
"torrent them"   
  
ok 

* * *

MEANWHILE  
  
"and this is whiy i beileive hte illumanti is controlling everything" says doctor/consiporacy theorist jude mathis.   
  
SUDDENLY JUILIUS ASTRAL PROJECTS INTO THE ROOM. HE IS INVISIBLE TO ALL CREATURES. BUT THEN HE NOTICES WHAT HE IS AFTER. JUDE MATHIS' SHADOW SELF MANIFESTS INTO THE FORM OF THE DARK MAN.   
  
"Get of out here" says the shadman. "you are not belonging on this plane of being." but really, it was the shadow self of jude mathis who did not belong. he was using his dark powers do keep jude mathis confused about his sexuality. eh thought he was a straigt man, but he was not. he wanted to kiss a dude. maybe ten dudes. and some girls? eh didn't know. he needed to figure this out but he couldn't without the dark man absorbing the power from all of his mind crystals and stuffing his ass chakra full of self doubt  
  
julius' third eye glows blindingly bright as he summons his persona, the entire walmart choir. "LET JUDE BE GAY 2017" he screams!!!!!!!! and the shadow man explosds with such force, that not only jude is become gay, but everyone in the world is gay. and it is beautiful. this is the way life should be.   
  
end of fic

**Author's Note:**

> i'm very tired and wrote this instead of sleeping LET JUDE BE GAY 2017


End file.
